It Started as Stress Relief: When Coping Turns Into Dependence

Substance use rarely begins as self-destruction. It usually begins as a solution.

A glass of wine to sleep. A few pills to quiet panic. A hit to finally feel normal. Something to take the edge off a job, a breakup, a divorce, parenting, loneliness, trauma, or relentless pressure.

And for a while, it works.

Then it starts costing more than it gives.

If you’ve been wondering whether your relationship with alcohol or drugs is shifting, here’s a grounded way to look at it without spiraling into labels or shame.

The turning point most people miss

A lot of people wait for a dramatic moment: a DUI, a hospitalization, a relationship ultimatum, losing a job.

But dependence usually grows quietly in the background. The earliest sign is often this:

You stop using primarily for “fun” and start using for “relief.”

Relief from:

• anxiety or racing thoughts

• insomnia or restlessness

• social pressure or awkwardness

• sadness, grief, or numbness

• stress you can’t turn off

• trauma reminders you don’t have words for

Relief makes sense. Your brain is trying to regulate. The problem is the strategy becomes expensive over time.

Early signs your coping is turning into dependence

You don’t need to check every box for this to be worth paying attention to.

1) Tolerance is creeping in
You need more to get the same effect.

2) “I’ll stop tomorrow” is a pattern
You make rules, then break them, and feel confused about why you can’t stick to them.

3) You’re using to feel normal, not better
It’s less about a buzz and more about getting back to baseline.

4) You plan around it
You choose events, people, or schedules based on whether you can use or recover after.

5) You hide or downplay it
Not because you’re a bad person, but because part of you knows it wouldn’t land well.

6) Your mood is getting narrower
More irritability, more anxiety, lower patience, less joy.

7) You feel off when you stop
This can look like agitation, insomnia, sweating, nausea, shakiness, depression, or cravings. (If withdrawal is possible, getting medical guidance matters.)

8) It’s starting to cost you real things
Sleep, money, focus, work performance, relationships, health, self-respect.

“But I’m still functioning.”

That’s common. High-functioning substance use is a real thing.

Functioning doesn’t mean it’s not harming you. It just means you’re paying the price privately.

A helpful question is:
If this keeps going exactly as it is for the next 6 months, what gets worse?

What to do next (no shame, just strategy)

You don’t have to figure out your entire life today. Start with a few clean steps.

Step 1: Get specific about the pattern

For 7 days, track this in your notes app:

• what you used

• how much

• what you felt right before

• what you wanted it to fix (sleep, anxiety, loneliness, etc.)

• what it cost you after (sleep, mood, conflict, shame, missed plans)

This turns a vague fear into clear information.

Step 2: Build a “relief replacement” list

If substances are your fastest relief, you need other relief that’s actually accessible.

Pick 2–3 you can do in under 10 minutes:

• call or voice note one safe person

• shower + long exhale breathing

• quick walk outside

• eat something with protein

• a short grounding routine (cold water, stretching, music)

You’re not trying to be perfect. You’re trying to interrupt autopilot.

Step 3: Don’t detox alone if withdrawal is possible

Alcohol, benzodiazepines, and some other substances can have dangerous withdrawals. If you’re experiencing withdrawal symptoms or you’re not sure, talk to a medical professional or a treatment provider before attempting to stop suddenly.

Step 4: Choose the right level of support

Support isn’t “all or nothing.” Depending on what’s going on, it can look like:

• therapy focused on coping skills + underlying drivers

• outpatient substance use treatment

• intensive outpatient or partial hospitalization if it’s impacting daily life

• residential treatment if safety, relapse risk, or stability is a concern

• medication-assisted treatment where appropriate (for certain substances)

The goal is to match support to reality, not to prove you’re “bad enough.”

If you’re supporting someone else

If this is about someone you love:

• focus on concern, not accusations

• name specific behaviors and impacts

• avoid arguing about labels (“addict”)

• offer to help with one concrete next step (call, intake, appointment)

A simple opener:
“I’m worried about how much you’ve been carrying. I’m not judging you. I want help to be on the table.”

How Runway Recovery can help

If you’re stuck in a loop where substances are the fastest way to cope, we can help you slow it down, understand what’s driving it, and build a plan that actually fits your life.

If you’re in California, Runway Recovery is also in-network with Blue Shield of California, which can make care more accessible.

Request a consultation to explore the right level of care.